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So I stepped on the scale this morning...
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... which was obviously my first mistake.
I'm a big guy. I wasn't always. As a kid, I was big for my age but small for the larger kids I tended to be around, always a bit of a squirt. I love my brother, but he could be a bit of a bully as a kid, though the kind that would still protect a younger brother from everyone else.
He wasn't always around though, and when he wasn't, I didn't have a good time. A lot of that was my weight, which resulted in my closest friends forming a "pull down pants" committee to jokingly show off my overly robust and naked ass to the school. This lasted for weeks until my parents finally got wind of it and confronted the other parents.
I was in 4th grade and not even particularly heavy at the time, but it stuck with me. I was fortunate that for most of my youth my frame—both tall and broad shouldered—did the work of minimizing my weight.
I'm a big guy. I wasn't always. As a kid, I was big for my age but small for the larger kids I tended to be around, always a bit of a squirt. I love my brother, but he could be a bit of a bully as a kid, though the kind that would still protect a younger brother from everyone else.
He wasn't always around though, and when he wasn't, I didn't have a good time. A lot of that was my weight, which resulted in my closest friends forming a "pull down pants" committee to jokingly show off my overly robust and naked ass to the school. This lasted for weeks until my parents finally got wind of it and confronted the other parents.
I was in 4th grade and not even particularly heavy at the time, but it stuck with me. I was fortunate that for most of my youth my frame—both tall and broad shouldered—did the work of minimizing my weight.
Mental health or healthy weight
In college I did the usual college things, and my weight went up. But I still had the remarkable frame, and it held up well. Until I got my diagnosis. I went through cocktail after cocktail of meds to stabilize my moods. I don't blame the doctors, really. I was in crisis and that's what I needed at the time.
But when you jump 80 pounds in two months right after getting put on a new medication, I don't think you can chalk that up to laziness. I had gone up over 100 pounds by the time the doctor pulled me off the medication. Now I wasn't in the mid 200s anymore. I was well over 300. Sure, I kept from gaining more, mostly, but the weight wouldn't come off, and eventually a sedentary lifestyle and a deskjob took a toll. I crept up, year after painful year.
Now hold on! Yes, I dieted. I tried expanding my food options, unsuccessfully. I tried the Atkins diet, among others. Over and over I tried and failed until I maxed out my scale and destroyed my body losing the weight.
Over the last 15 years that weight has slowly crept back up, until this morning I stared at 398 pounds on the scale.
I tortured my body losing that weight. I'm not sure I can do it again. Since I started creeping back up, my body has resisted all the old strategies that worked.
I'm heartbroken.
But when you jump 80 pounds in two months right after getting put on a new medication, I don't think you can chalk that up to laziness. I had gone up over 100 pounds by the time the doctor pulled me off the medication. Now I wasn't in the mid 200s anymore. I was well over 300. Sure, I kept from gaining more, mostly, but the weight wouldn't come off, and eventually a sedentary lifestyle and a deskjob took a toll. I crept up, year after painful year.
Now hold on! Yes, I dieted. I tried expanding my food options, unsuccessfully. I tried the Atkins diet, among others. Over and over I tried and failed until I maxed out my scale and destroyed my body losing the weight.
Over the last 15 years that weight has slowly crept back up, until this morning I stared at 398 pounds on the scale.
I tortured my body losing that weight. I'm not sure I can do it again. Since I started creeping back up, my body has resisted all the old strategies that worked.
I'm heartbroken.
I decided a few years ago that I was tired of fighting it. When I stopped actively trying to lose weight, my body said, "Oh, okay." and I have stayed at the same weight for about 5 years.
I wish I could wave a magic wand and have us all drop down to a fantastic weight and keep us there, as Russ fights it as well.
I have spent all of my adult life obese, much of it about 300 pounds. I've tried five of the "trend" diets over the last decade and none of them got me past the 60 pounds lost mark. On all of them, I gained back 30 pounds or more as soon as I stopped. They were hard and sucked and I was not enjoying life doing them.
My story is like yours--I'm tall and broad shouldered and hid my weight reasonably well, but I knew my overall health was suffering.
Bright Line Eating by Susan Pierce Thompson has been my answer. The methods I'm using have also treated my depression, anxiety, and sleep problems. It really is like a magic wand. I have never done anything so fun and easy with such great benefits. Follow the plan, and you'll gently lose an average of 2 pounds per week. If this interests you, friend me on social media, I have a support group for writers doing BLE. You don't need to spend big bucks either--I got a copy of the book used for $10 and then bought the audio book off Audible for 1 credit. I listened to it three times while driving around, then decided to try it, and I haven't looked back.
I'd love to be part of your journey healing your broken heart and your body.
https://www.amazon.com/Bright-Line-Eating-Science-Living/dp/1401952534/
I'm just commenting to tell you: you aren't alone. I wish I had some magic pill to offer. The best I can do is let you know your weight can always change without always changing you.
You're still an amazing, wonderful person. No number on any scale will ever define you. There is exactly one of you on this planet and your value is priceless for it.
If you choose to change your weight, I wish you good luck on the journey. If you choose to accept it, I wish you peace.
Either way? Hang in there. You're great.