THE PASSION STROLL...
a blog by author Ashavan Doyon
... which was obviously my first mistake.
I'm a big guy. I wasn't always. As a kid, I was big for my age but small for the larger kids I tended to be around, always a bit of a squirt. I love my brother, but he could be a bit of a bully as a kid, though the kind that would still protect a younger brother from everyone else.
He wasn't always around though, and when he wasn't, I didn't have a good time. A lot of that was my weight, which resulted in my closest friends forming a "pull down pants" committee to jokingly show off my overly robust and naked ass to the school. This lasted for weeks until my parents finally got wind of it and confronted the other parents.
I was in 4th grade and not even particularly heavy at the time, but it stuck with me. I was fortunate that for most of my youth my frame—both tall and broad shouldered—did the work of minimizing my weight.
Mental health or healthy weight
In college I did the usual college things, and my weight went up. But I still had the remarkable frame, and it held up well. Until I got my diagnosis. I went through cocktail after cocktail of meds to stabilize my moods. I don't blame the doctors, really. I was in crisis and that's what I needed at the time.
But when you jump 80 pounds in two months right after getting put on a new medication, I don't think you can chalk that up to laziness. I had gone up over 100 pounds by the time the doctor pulled me off the medication. Now I wasn't in the mid 200s anymore. I was well over 300. Sure, I kept from gaining more, mostly, but the weight wouldn't come off, and eventually a sedentary lifestyle and a deskjob took a toll. I crept up, year after painful year.
Now hold on! Yes, I dieted. I tried expanding my food options, unsuccessfully. I tried the Atkins diet, among others. Over and over I tried and failed until I maxed out my scale and destroyed my body losing the weight.
Over the last 15 years that weight has slowly crept back up, until this morning I stared at 398 pounds on the scale.
I tortured my body losing that weight. I'm not sure I can do it again. Since I started creeping back up, my body has resisted all the old strategies that worked.
4/23/2019 11:48:42 am
I fully sympathize with you. Between the cocktail of meds I take (side effect of most is "weight gain") and living my life in a wheelchair, my weight has been my nightmare.
4/24/2019 12:24:37 pm
I am a Dreamspinner author and, in three more pounds, I will have lost 100 pounds. I saw your blog post linked to the Dreamspinner main page and clicked because I need to share how awesome what I'm doing is!
4/28/2020 12:13:25 am
I followed a link on Dreamspinner to your blog post. I'm over 400 pounds for the second time in my life. I had weight loss surgery and lost down to 305 pounds which was roughly 136 pounds of weight loss total. I ballooned back up after issues with complications from the surgery in following years and then I fell into that same sedentary job trap you're talking about. (I worked in a call center.) My anxiety and depression have never been higher which evens out with my weight which is probably over my highest size too.
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Writer of the mysterious, fantastic, and the romantic. Sometimes sappy. Often angsty. Always searching for the sexy. Stories about men who love men.